Well, that’s just a bonus

by BIG Ben Kennedy // Category: Fatherhood // Write a review!
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I was watching TV one day, when my son Benjamin walks into the room holding a fork. Immediately realizing the safety issue, I take the fork from him. As is the usual case, he relinquished it without any real problem. Probably because he hears the difference in the hurried, nervous tone of my voice, and knows that what I’m saying needs to happen now.

After Benjamin turns the fork over to the proper authority, he leaves the room to unearth his next forbidden treasure of the house. He finds things around the house like it’s his job. He can find a Sharpie marker that I swore I had tucked away in a briefcase in my bedroom closet, but somehow it’s my job to find that long lost chicken nugget or piece of Pop-Tart in the couch.

So after he leaves, I sit there with the fork in my hand, continuing to watch TV. Sure I could get up and put it in the sink, or place it in the dishwasher, but those things are all the way in the kitchen.

A few minutes pass, when I am startled by my wife Kerri saying, “Ben.”

I look over at her with a very confused look.

“You know, that was the fork he was eating waffles with this morning. There’s probably maple syrup all over it.” she continues.

It would appear that in my ADHD mind, or just plain boredom, I decided it would be a good idea to brush my goatee with the fork my son found.

Maybe I remembered Scuttle from The Little Mermaid and thought to myself, “It’s a dinglehopper. Humans use these little babies… to straighten their hair out.” Or maybe it’s that I’m the walking embodiment of the “The Devil finds work for idle hands” statement.

As for sticky syrup in my goatee, well that’s just a bonus. Not only did I get to save Benjamin from another possible peril, but I get to walk around all day with smell of syrup invading my nostrils, and the thought of wonderful pancakes swirling around in my head. It’s the same reason why I want Kerri to buy Vanilla Frosting Lip Smackers lip gloss. Not because I’d like her in lip gloss, or want to smell it on her, but because after she kisses me, I get to walk around smelling cake on my upper lip all day.

And any day that I can smell cake all day, is a good day.

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