When I was growing up, I seem to remember that whenever I was doing something I wasn’t supposed to, my parents would always say, “Go ahead.”
It was never a “Stop!”, or “No, no, no…”, but a very, eerily calm, “Go ahead.”
It only took an ass whooping or two… hundred, to learn that they weren’t giving me permission to do the bad things I was doing. What they were really doing was asking for me to give them permission to beat me like a rented mule.
It was a trap!
Then I grew up and got married, and was free from my parents. No longer will I have to worry about things like “sarcasm”, or “pretext”, or “body language”. Or so I thought.
I was headed home from work the other day when my wife called. “There is nothing to eat in this house! We need to go grocery shopping.” She said.
“I can just stop by the grocery store after work if you want.”
“Whatever, I don’t care, there’s just nothing to eat.”
“Well, do you want to go instead so you can make sure you get some stuff you like?”
“No, it’s fine.”
“I’m serious.”
“No, you go ahead.”
I freeze. An old familiar fear creeps in.
“Go ahead?” I cautiously ask.
“Sure.” She so calmly replies. Almost eerily calm.
Yes, it has been awhile, but I’m not that little kid anymore. I’m older, and wiser, I’m not falling for that shit! Not today, not ever!
When I came home without any groceries, you should have seen the look on your face! You thought you were going to get me, but you thought wrong! Suck it!
And I don’t care how many times I have to sleep on the couch, “make my own fucking dinner”, or “do my own fucking laundry”. I will wake up with Matchbox cars in my back, indigestion in my chest, and wearing three week old swamp ass infested underwear knowing that I’m smarter than you. You will never trap me again!
I guess you should have married ol’ what’s-his-name; he probably would’ve fallen for your entrapment.
In your FACE, bitch!!
Epilogue: Do you still have to pay the utilities if they’re in your name, but you personally don’t occupy the residence anymore?
One Response to “Go ahead.”
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November 22nd, 2008 at 7:41 pm
we ALL do this…
Seriously.