Official Home Of BIG Ben Kennedy

One day I was watching “The Ellen DeGeneres Show”, and Ellen had featured kid inventors on her program. I specifically remember one pair of inventors. Why? Because they invented what the world has been waiting for: ‘wedgie-proof’ underwear.

With the power of Velcro, two twin 8 year old boys from Ohio were the proud inventors of the “Rip Away 1000″, and it would appear that the days of the painful embarrassing wedgie were long gone.

Now I ask this: If necessity is the mother of all invention, then just how many wedgies did these poor boys receive in their short 8 years on Earth?

I would think that the best part about the underwear is that after the bully gives you a wedgie that doesn’t work, you can still escape untouched. That’s because Mr. Knuckle Dragging Bully, who is mad at the world because he got the trifecta of no personality, no smarts and no dick, will be so distracted by playing with the Velcro you left behind that you won’t have to run for your life; you can just walk for it.

In the same principle as the Velcro distraction, I used to throw bubble wrap at the bullies in my school. And if you’ve ever disputed the fact that man is a descendant of apes, then watch a bully, or any person for that matter, with a sheet of bubble wrap. I personally can’t resist it either.

If they were passing out bubble wrap at the front door of the hospital, I’d of missed the birth of my child.

But what can we learn from ‘wedgie-proof’ underwear? The same thing we’ve learned from “Napoleon Dynamite”, the BlackBerry, the iPhone, video games, comic book movies, super hero themed shows on TV, CBS’ “The Big Bang Theory”, NBC’s “Chuck”, “Superbad”, “The World Of Warcraft”, and so on…

Geeks are taking over.

And Mr. Bully, you might want to stop breeding bullies. Well, I don’t mean stop breeding. Unless you’re an idiot, then please stop giving the world more idiots. And turn in your driver’s license.

Actually what I mean is, don’t let your kids be a bully like you were.

You see, now that geeks are “in”, we are getting laid more and more and breeding as well. One day, your kid will pick on one of our kids, and the wedgie won’t work, and they’ll try to think of something else. But no matter what the bully does, remember this: Their father might be a webmaster, or an IT guy, VP or CEO of his own company and chances are…

He knows both you and your little bully boy’s Social Security numbers.

Sleep tight.

Actually, you’re safe, because any geek knows that “with great power, comes great responsibility.”