You ever see a guy at your gym who mouths along to the lyrics in whatever music he is listening to while working out?

That would be me. Well, maybe not literally me, unless you go to my gym, of course, but what I am confessing is that is what I do.

And it’s not just when I’m working out. It is anytime I listen to music through my earbuds, no matter where I am at, and if I’m in the car, and it’s playing through the speakers, I’m singing along.

It doesn’t even matter if I’m by myself in the car. My wife, son, numerous friends and even fellow EMT’s and Paramedics who share an ambulance with me could attest to this.

And I’m not even the least bit embarrassed about it. Why? Because I love music.

I know everyone says that they love music, but my soul is connected to music. Even my vital signs respond to music. For example, every morning we do an operational check on our monitors in the back of the ambulances. It’s an automated process in which the only thing I have to do is hit the “charge” button and the “shock” button for the built-in defibrillator, and then verify that I heard the voice prompt say “shock delivered”. Every couple of shifts after I perform the operations check, I go ahead and check my blood pressure, pulse, and SpO2 aka “the amount of oxygen in my blood”. One morning, after I threw the pulse oximeter onto my finger, I threw in my earbuds, and cranked it up. And, based on the song, my pulse would react. Songs from groups like “The Police” would keep me in the normal range while songs by a group like “Avenged Sevenfold” would raise my pulse rate no less than 20 bpm.

And who knows? Maybe that’s how it is for everyone, but I had scientific instruments to prove that it is how it is for me. I can honestly say that I love music with all of my heart.

This morning at the gym, my music selection consisted of songs from a Los Angeles 80′s glam metal parody band called, “Steel Panther“. Steel Panther’s music is some of the best I’ve ever heard, even better than the 80′s glam metal it pays homage to, but the lyrics, they are very profane. Hilarious as all hell, but very profane.

And I love every bit of it.

Songs like “Asian Hooker”, “Turn Out The Lights”, “The Shocker”, “17 Girls in a Row” and “Tomorrow Night” definitely get the workout going and the heart pumpin’, while the nice ballad called, “Weenie Ride” works well in the cool down portion of my cardio workout.

In short, a group with songs like this make working out so much more fun that is really is.

And today I was on the elliptical and I was rocking out! Then, I reach the first chorus of “Turn Out The Lights”, and am mouthing along to the lyrics of, “Turn out the lights, before you suck my d**k. Someone beat you with an ugly stick. I wanna f**k, but you make me sick so, turn out the lights, turn out the lights.”

That’s when I thought to myself, “If anyone in this place can read lips, they probably think I’m the most chauvinistic bastard alive. Right now, there is a deaf female gym member who probably wants me dead.” But then I thought, “Or wants me sexually. You never know what she could be into.” Then I thought, “Who says the person reading my lips has to be a female?”

I began to look around and, I kid you not, I counted 5 members that were looking at me. 3 of them were female, 2 of them were male.

For a split second, I wondered if I had accidentally sang any of the song out loud, and to tell you the truth, I’m not sure.

Before I let my anxieties get to me and wind up working myself into a panic attack, I quickly decided to laugh it off, and with that big smile, I finished my workout.

Still rocking the Steel Panther of course.

On the way out of the gym, I was not reprimanded by staff, slapped by anyone, nor was I offered any dates or locker room shower romps so I believe I am in the clear.

If I had to guess, I’d say that I more than likely drew an audience because I’m the only one there who appears be enjoying my work out. Also, the fact that I’m mouthing the words to anything might be attention grabbing. But personally, I’d like to think it’s because I’m damned sexy, and worth an eyeful anytime you can get it.

Come on, you saw the picture at the top of this blog, you know this!

Wow, that sounded conceited as hell. And I usually don’t have no where near that high of an opinion of myself.

What is wrong with me today?

Maybe I need to pick some new workout music.

Nah! I’m having way too much fun!

Weenie weenie weenie weenie weenie weenie weenie riiiide…