Official Home Of BIG Ben Kennedy

If I was ever so lucky to find a magic lamp, and then go through the embarrassment of rubbing it, there had better be a genie inside. Why would I be embarrassed? Think about the whole process. The “lamp” doesn’t look like something that lights your house, it looks more like a phallic teapot, and you stroke the side until a little man with a long tail pops out of the hole at the end of the spout.

It sounds kind of sexually metaphoric if you ask me: Rub the phallus until a little man with a squiggly tail pops out and you will get whatever you wish.

It also reminds me of a few dates that I had back in ’02.

And if I find that magic lamp, and there is a genie inside, he had better not pop out with stipulations. “First things first, I shall grant you three wishes! And at no point in the three wishes can you wish for unlimited wishes.”

“Really? Hmm. Well alright, I wish that I had the super abilities of any super hero character that I think about at the time. Like if I think about turning into the Incredible Hulk, I can. Or if I think I have all of the abilities of Superman, I do.”

“Done.”

“Right on! And I wish I had a million dollars.”

“Done… Wait, just a million dollars in this day and age with inflation and all? I figure that these days most people would ask for more money than that.”

“Well, I figure I can always ask for more money on my 4th wish.”

“Ah ha ha! You’ve forgotten already, I only grant three wishes!”

“Yeah, well something tells me in a few minutes, you’re going to change your mind.”

That’s when I pick up the lamp, think about Captain Planet, and fly for the recycling center.