Official Home Of BIG Ben Kennedy

Have you ever watched your tongue as you brush your teeth? If you haven’t, try it sometime. My tongue becomes the most spastic thing ever as it darts to each side of my mouth trying to lick my toothbrush. Maybe it’s thinking, “Food? Food? Is that food?” It reminds me of a dog constantly nuzzling his nose under your hand to get petted. Then, when I brush my tongue, it calms down, much like a dog.

I imagine my tongue going, “Ahhh, yeaaahh, right there! Riiight there!” just the same as I imagine a dog’s inner voice when I give in to petting them. Then, my overactive imagination is abruptly cut short when I accidentally gag myself.

That will bring you back to reality won’t it?

“I wonder if that asshole is going to be at work today.” “I hope I get laid tonight, it’s been 6 years.” “Wow, my tongue is really spazzin’ out- - HORK!”

And then you’re left bent over, gripping the sides of the sink, eyes watering, praying that you don’t lose your last meal right here, right now in the sink. Sure, you could have turned around for the toilet, but you didn’t have time. A toothbrush gagging is something that will always catch you by surprise even though it’s happened so many times before.

And if you have no idea what I’m talking about, and you have never gagged yourself, or have no gag reflex at all, well then, rock on. I’m sure your husband or life partner is glad they found you.

So after I recover, I’m back to brushing my teeth and watching my tongue again. Only now, coupled with my nerves from my near forceful expulsion of stomach contents, my tongue is flailing around like it’s having a seizure. It’s almost like I can’t control it and it has a mind of its own.

Say, maybe the “mind of its own” excuse might work for going down on our babysitter.

Now, before you judge me, it’s not like she’s 15 years old. She’s 64.

Do you still have no gag reflex? That’s what I thought.